My Meditations
Reflections at this year's end
I’ve been a bit of a stoic lately. Or it might be better to say I’ve been exploring stoicism.
My current read is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I suspect it will be my last read this year. As odd as it is to finish the year reading philosophy, I find it fitting. 2024 was strange. Though I said the same of 2023, 2024 challenged me in ways I never imagined. It was meant to be different from last year, but it ended up being just as difficult, if not more. Even writing this post makes me realize just how surreal this year was. So many plans didn’t work out, and others didn’t come to fruition. Over and over again I had to persevere. Day after day. Tragedy after tragedy. And so on.
Which is probably why at the end of the year chose to turn to philosophy, specifically stoicism. I didn’t want to listen to any toxic positivity. As much as it could comfort others, I think positive advice—the sort that would scream “keep going” and “you can do this” at the top of their lungs—would not be useful to me. I needed something different, some advice that wouldn’t be biased in my well-being. Advice that would be more understanding of the cruelty this world could be without succumbing to it. I hadn’t read philosophy since my college days, much less considered reading it again. But at the end of this year, I chose to pick up Meditations—a surprising bestseller at work—instead of a novel or poetry collection.
And it worked. I’m feeling better in an odd way. I feel understood by the late emperor’s reflections. These small nuggets of wisdom have been comforting, despite their premise of the indifference of the world. Of course, everyone is entitled to their interpretation of the philosopher’s words. For myself, I’ve felt understood. There’s empathy. And that is enough for me.
As this year closes, I reflect. My own meditations. I’ve read little. Written little. Struggled plenty. But I’ve managed to handle it, to the best of my abilities. Despite the challenges, I managed to pull through every time, though not without change. I understand the world a little better with every passing year. Though it can be cruel, the cruelty doesn’t have to come from me. So long as I do right and continue the path of kindness and understanding I have laid for myself and others, then I can keep growing older without regrets. You could even argue I can grow old happy.
My ambition remains. I want to keep writing, publishing, reading, and so on. That will never change. Things have been difficult, and they may stay difficult. But here I am in good (enough) health. Here I am standing. Here I am on this earth reaching another year. The universe has not given up on me. I can look back and reflect. Whatever plagued me before, it doesn’t have to plague me now. One day I will be gone. But that is not today. I am here now. That chance will be gone when the universe decides, not me.
This is a short post—a small meditation. This will most likely be my final post of the year. A difficult year for many, good for some. But the world moves forward. And so shall I.
Thank you for reading. And thank you so much for sticking around as long as you had. These posts have been therapeutic, as you can probably tell. So thank you for tuning in and being patient with my thoughts.
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And just like that, we reached the end of the year! Thank you again for sticking around! I’ll see you next year!